Talking to children about mental health can feel overwhelming. As parents it is an instinct to protect your children. This holds true when it comes to talking to children about mental health.
When it comes to an adult’s mental health, it can be beneficial to include children in the conversation. Here are a few things to keep in mind when preparing and discussing mental health with children.
There are benefits to being open and honest. Children are observant. Oftentimes, they are able to sense changes in their environment. With this ability, children can begin to fill in the blanks to why things are changing around them. This can lead to a rationale for changes that is far worse than the reality of the situation. Taking time to talk to your child about mental health can also reduce worry associated with the uncertainty of a situation. Remember, children are understanding and resilient.
Consider age. It is safe to say that toddlers, school aged children, and teenages do not process information the same. Take time to think about how information is best conveyed to the child. Be sure to use words and concepts that the child can understand when conveying information. Do not be afraid to use books or movies to introduce the subject.
Have a gameplan. Think about how you want to communicate information about mental health to the child. Are there specific talking points that you want to hit on? If so, jot them down so that you can remember to bring them up during the conversation. This is the perfect time to consider how you want the child to understand your mental health. Consider what are the important things to discuss about mental health.
Utilize the media. There are several books and movies that can be used to discuss mental health with children. If you are living with depression and are looking at a way to introduce the topic to your 5 year old, some parents have used Sad Days, Glad Days: A Story about Depression by Dewitt Hamilton. Inside Out 2 can be used to discuss living with anxiety. Age appropriate books and movies can be used to start the conversation.
Anticipate questions. Children are full of concerns and curiosity. At times, these concerns and curiosity can come in the form of questions. Reflect on possible answers to questions that may arise. This can help with easing nerves and staying on topic throughout the conversation. Lastly, remember that it is okay not to have all of the answers. Clearly communicate to the child that you do know or do not feel comfortable answering a particular question.
Reassure the child. Depending on the age of the child, learning about mental health can cause uncertainty and fear. Reassure the child that they are loved and someone will always be there to meet their needs. It can also be beneficial to identify resources and support systems. This can include group or individual therapy, mental health workbooks, and friends that can be there to support the child.
Prepare other adults. It could be beneficial to inform other adults in the child’s life about what is and is not appropriate to discuss with the child. This can help other adults provide support to the child without overstepping boundaries. These adults can include other care providers, teachers, or family friends.
Follow-up. Keep in mind that conversations about mental health will be ongoing. New questions will arise. Changes to mental health may prompt a new discussion. Continue to be open–minded and flexible. When the time comes, it may be appropriate to create a family plan. This family plan can outline what needs to be done should a crisis arise or outline ways children can cope with parent’s mental health.
When having a conversation with children, it is common to have reservations about whether or not to tell the child. Take a moment and breathe. Children are oftentimes more resilient than adults give them credit for. Before having the conversation, think about what and how you are going to relay the information. There are additional resources available below to aid you in talking to your child about your mental health. Remember, you can do this!
Resources
Anxiety
Ruby Finds a Worry 4-6
Hector’s Favorite Place 4-8
Unstuck by Barbara Dee 9-13
You Asked for Perfect by Laura Silverman 14+
Bi-polar Disorder
Brandon and the Bipolar Bear: A Story for Children with Bipolar Disorder by Tracy Anglada 4-12
Up and Down Mom by Summer Maçon 3-7
A Tragic Kind of Wonderful by Eric Lindstrom 15+
Depression
A Blue Kind of Day by Rachel Tomlinson 4-8
When Sadness Is at Your Door 3-8
A Kids Book About Depression by Kileah Mcllvain 9+
Everything Is OK by Debbie Tung 13+
It’s Kind of a Funny Story by Ned Vizzini 12-18
Invisible Girl by Mariel Hemingway 12+
OCD
My Little Monster: A Story About OCD by Marin Canaday 4-7
Anxious Charlie to the Rescue by Terry Milne 4-6
Finding Perfect Written by Elly Swartz 8-12
Mr. Worry: A Story About OCD Written by Holly L. Niner, illustrated by Greg Swearingen 7-8
The Weight of Our Sky by Hanna Alkaf 12+
Invisible Girl by Mariel Hemingway 12+
Substance Use
I Want More―How to Know When I've Had Enough by Dagmar Geisler 3-6
The Tricky Sticky Addiction Monster (The Tricky Sticky Addiction Monster Collaborative Resources) by Charlaine Sevigny 5-10
Floating Away: A Book to Help Children Understand Addiction by Andrew J. Bauman 8-12
What's the Big Deal About Addictions?: Answers and Help for Teens by James J. Crist 15+
TV and movie character’s behavior sometimes aligns closely with mental health conditions. A list of characters and their possible mental health diagnosis has been included to use as a visual representation for you and your children. Space has been left below for you to add characters whose behavior resonates with you.
Eeyore plays a significant role in Winnie the Pooh. He is often depicted as a donkey that is overcome with sadness and low-self esteem that interfere with Eeyore’s capacity to function. These symptoms are closely related to depressive disorders.
Princess Ariel from The Little Mermaid spends an ample amount of time collecting trinkets from the world above. In the movie, Ariel becomes socially detached from her role as a princess and the practice of collecting items consumes her time and space. These are behaviors and characteristics that can be related to hoarding, which is a type of obsessive-compulsive and related disorders.
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